Category: writing

Past Feels

On By rantandrave3In art, observations, poetry, Uncategorized, writingLeave a comment

No feelings. No thoughts. No words. No nothing but space and time and history, I guess. There is a lot of history here. So much so that it breaks me. Just the thought of it. Of it all. That simple thought can stop me in my tracks, and start me running back. Back to everything I was. Everything I originally ran from. History. Oh History. It can kill. It can ruin someone. It can ruin me. So we stand. No feelings. No thoughts. No words. Just nothing. Space and history. So much of each. They can make us or ruin us. Which will it be? Yes or no? Made or ruined? Home or running?

©C. O’Connor, 2016

What I Really Want

On By rantandrave3In art, observations, poetry, Uncategorized, writingLeave a comment

The things I want are not what you think I want. I do not want clothes, or shoes, or material things. What I hope for is a state of mind.

I want to wake up excited for the day, every day. I do not only want to look forward to the special days when something new is planned.

I want to live without stressing about schedules: work schedules, sleep schedules, no schedules. Except for the ones I create. No life except the life I choose.

I want to be adventurous without worrying about the things that I should be doing.

I want to be reckless without worrying about my reputation.

I want to stay up and sleep late without knowing that the next day will be a waste because of it.

I want to have a job that doesn’t exhaust me so much that by the time I get home I have nothing left in me other than the ability to get ready for the next day.

I want to go outside and see the sun without glass in between.

I want to be happy.

I want to care about things that I care about because I care about them, and not because I’m supposed to according to someone else.

I want to look forward to tomorrow because I am excited about each second.

I want to want to live every moment to its fullest, and not see each day as something standing in my way. One more day on the count down to something.

I want more from life than this.

So stop telling me that I want I want I want, because I have studied, and I have worked, and I have tried this current lifestyle to my best ability. Now I think I deserve, but that doesn’t mean that I will stop working. I only want to work for something that I actually want instead of what I’ve been forced into caring about.

©C.O’Connor, 2016