Category: poetry

Past Feels

On By rantandrave3In art, observations, poetry, Uncategorized, writingLeave a comment

No feelings. No thoughts. No words. No nothing but space and time and history, I guess. There is a lot of history here. So much so that it breaks me. Just the thought of it. Of it all. That simple thought can stop me in my tracks, and start me running back. Back to everything I was. Everything I originally ran from. History. Oh History. It can kill. It can ruin someone. It can ruin me. So we stand. No feelings. No thoughts. No words. Just nothing. Space and history. So much of each. They can make us or ruin us. Which will it be? Yes or no? Made or ruined? Home or running?

©C. O’Connor, 2016

What I Really Want

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The things I want are not what you think I want. I do not want clothes, or shoes, or material things. What I hope for is a state of mind.

I want to wake up excited for the day, every day. I do not only want to look forward to the special days when something new is planned.

I want to live without stressing about schedules: work schedules, sleep schedules, no schedules. Except for the ones I create. No life except the life I choose.

I want to be adventurous without worrying about the things that I should be doing.

I want to be reckless without worrying about my reputation.

I want to stay up and sleep late without knowing that the next day will be a waste because of it.

I want to have a job that doesn’t exhaust me so much that by the time I get home I have nothing left in me other than the ability to get ready for the next day.

I want to go outside and see the sun without glass in between.

I want to be happy.

I want to care about things that I care about because I care about them, and not because I’m supposed to according to someone else.

I want to look forward to tomorrow because I am excited about each second.

I want to want to live every moment to its fullest, and not see each day as something standing in my way. One more day on the count down to something.

I want more from life than this.

So stop telling me that I want I want I want, because I have studied, and I have worked, and I have tried this current lifestyle to my best ability. Now I think I deserve, but that doesn’t mean that I will stop working. I only want to work for something that I actually want instead of what I’ve been forced into caring about.

©C.O’Connor, 2016

#7 – It’s Complicated

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I wasn’t flying I was falling

but suspended in air

I was hurt I was crying

I needed you there

you were gone

you were missing

you ran away

and now I’m left and I’m lonely

it’s just another day

A day in my life

come on and walk in my shoes

A day in my hell

singing the blues

a lost kid a found soul

reckless to a fault

Get to know who I am

just leave me to fall

Not fly

suspended in air.

© O’Connor, 2016

 

Success

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Help me down

I’ve been up here for so long

I can’t see my feet way down under me

Where did the world go?

Where did the ground go?

Help my down.

I don’t want to be up here anymore.

I want out

I want my feet back

I want the street back

I wanted to be up here

I wanted to see the view

Didn’t know it meant losing myself

losing you

I didn’t know

Help me down from this heavenly looking hell

Help me down.

©O’Connor, 2016

#6

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Stab me in the back to see if I bleed.

Stab me in the heart out of curiosity.

Rip out my soul to see if it’s there.

Hurt me all you want I truly don’t care.

What will happen?

If I don’t bleed

If I’m not hurt

If it’s not there

Do you think I am a lifeless machine?

Oh honey, I’m like nothing you’ve ever seen.

©C. O’Connor, 2016

Judgement

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Have you ever known the air in your hair

or the touch of harm?

Have you ever known the wisp of breath

or heat of the sun?

Do you know the middle place of heat to cold

or the prayer not to get too old?

Do you know the wish for peace in a world

lost to war?

lost to ego

lost to pay

lost to the amenities to get through the day

They are lost in their own minds

They are focused on their own grind

They don’t even see you

not me

not see

no fear no feelings

fight or flight is dumbed down

muted

no running

sitting duck, ready to be rocked

ready to be obliterated

ready to fall

down below

where no one knows

the air, touch, wisp, or heat

where no pain, feels, or emotions seep

there is nothing, all new

I’ve known this hell. I’ve thrived there.

Have you?

©C. O’Connor, 2016

Cleaners

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I’m gonna drag you through the cleaners

wonder if “deep clean” can fix your mess

can I bleach the grime and rust away?

when is the last time you used this thing?

or gave it some fresh air

or took it out for a spin

or felt anything at all

It’s a shame to let it waste away in here

does it even still work?

WD-40 and duct tape should get it going

… It explains a lot though

you’ve been reckless

apathetic

the world doesn’t exist

So, you’ve kept it locked up in here.

too long

let it waste and decay

No worries though

I can get the stains out.

I’ll drag you through the cleaners.

©C. O’Connor, 2016