#7 – It’s Complicated

I wasn’t flying I was falling

but suspended in air

I was hurt I was crying

I needed you there

you were gone

you were missing

you ran away

and now I’m left and I’m lonely

it’s just another day

A day in my life

come on and walk in my shoes

A day in my hell

singing the blues

a lost kid a found soul

reckless to a fault

Get to know who I am

just leave me to fall

Not fly

suspended in air.

© O’Connor, 2016

 

Success

Help me down

I’ve been up here for so long

I can’t see my feet way down under me

Where did the world go?

Where did the ground go?

Help my down.

I don’t want to be up here anymore.

I want out

I want my feet back

I want the street back

I wanted to be up here

I wanted to see the view

Didn’t know it meant losing myself

losing you

I didn’t know

Help me down from this heavenly looking hell

Help me down.

©O’Connor, 2016

#6

Stab me in the back to see if I bleed.

Stab me in the heart out of curiosity.

Rip out my soul to see if it’s there.

Hurt me all you want I truly don’t care.

What will happen?

If I don’t bleed

If I’m not hurt

If it’s not there

Do you think I am a lifeless machine?

Oh honey, I’m like nothing you’ve ever seen.

©C. O’Connor, 2016

Judgement

Have you ever known the air in your hair

or the touch of harm?

Have you ever known the wisp of breath

or heat of the sun?

Do you know the middle place of heat to cold

or the prayer not to get too old?

Do you know the wish for peace in a world

lost to war?

lost to ego

lost to pay

lost to the amenities to get through the day

They are lost in their own minds

They are focused on their own grind

They don’t even see you

not me

not see

no fear no feelings

fight or flight is dumbed down

muted

no running

sitting duck, ready to be rocked

ready to be obliterated

ready to fall

down below

where no one knows

the air, touch, wisp, or heat

where no pain, feels, or emotions seep

there is nothing, all new

I’ve known this hell. I’ve thrived there.

Have you?

©C. O’Connor, 2016

Cleaners

I’m gonna drag you through the cleaners

wonder if “deep clean” can fix your mess

can I bleach the grime and rust away?

when is the last time you used this thing?

or gave it some fresh air

or took it out for a spin

or felt anything at all

It’s a shame to let it waste away in here

does it even still work?

WD-40 and duct tape should get it going

… It explains a lot though

you’ve been reckless

apathetic

the world doesn’t exist

So, you’ve kept it locked up in here.

too long

let it waste and decay

No worries though

I can get the stains out.

I’ll drag you through the cleaners.

©C. O’Connor, 2016

#4

My name is Darkness

My name is Fear

My name is anything that haunts you dear.

My name is Hate

My name is Cold

My name is all your nightmares hold.

My name is fixed

My name is all

My name is in every lost soul’s call.

I am here

I am there

I am within the darkest stare.

I am the shadows

I am the light

I am the thing haunting your dreams at night.

My name is forgotten

My name is unknown

My name is in the shiver on your neck when you think you are alone.

©C. O’Connor, 2016

People Watching – Airport

I have two hours until my flight is supposed to depart. There’s not much to do in an airport but wait and ignore the people around you. You can read, listen, listen to music, sleep, eat, stare into space, but it’s all done with a few hundred people within throwing range. I’ve always enjoyed people watching at the airport. I give all of the interesting ones nicknames. I have a small obsession with naming things.

There’s Flower Girl across the aisle to the left. Who looks done up as if she is entering a pageant. Except she is also wearing ill fitting jeans and crappy running shoes. I judge people by their shoe choices. She looks bored as she twists some reddish brown hair around one of her stumpy fingers and chews on her gum like a cow chews on grass. She got her name from the huge red flower stuck on the side of her head.

Then there are the three Stoic Starers. Three people sitting in three chairs, creating a small wall of hopelessness and lack of emotion. The two men and one woman all sat in their seats at different times over the last hour, so they aren’t together. But the sheer emptiness of their gazes as their planes become more and more delayed will link them forever.

Next is the TDH: Tall Dark and Handsome. This one was nodding off for a while, so he decided to stand against a wall. Usually I would be impressed with this decision, but now I’m not so sure. It’s a busy day and empty seats are hard to come by. That means that the tall, tan skinned, blue eyed beauty of a man is now stuck with his fate of a numb ass from sitting on the floor, because his seat was quickly taken over by a large woman in a moo-moo covered with daisies. It doesn’t look like she is leaving any time soon.

Oh god, I just made eye contact with one of the stoic starers. I think she saw into my soul.

©C. O’Connor, 2016