Here.

There’s a story here, somewhere buried deep,

of a girl afraid of what she’s seen.

She didnt know how to live.

She didnt know how to think.

She didnt know how to be,

so please be kind when dealing with me.

Thoughts are second,

and words come first.

Emotions are hidden,

and shes been lost

too many times and too many ways.

She will always come back at her own pace,

and she does it a lot more often these days.

So she’ll be back.

She’ll be here.

And she will be there for you always dear.

Memory

Going down

landing

in the waste land

of what was beautiful.

A magic land

where dreams enter reality.

A destruction zone

of lingering hopes

and broken promises.

Landing in the

remains of us.

We were magic,

now just darkness

and memories.

Unlived plans

turned into possible regrets.

This is my home,

where I stay.

My eternal labyrinth

of us.

Trickster – Chapter 2

Chapter 2

“Come out Come out wherever you are,” I whisper. I watch my feet making sure to miss all of the broken pieces of glass on the ground.

They all fell when the sprite jumped through the window. Stupid sprite. He thinks he can run from me.

My new boots that are already more duct tape than boot move silently through the pieces.

“You stay right there, Selene!” A voice comes from around the corner of a dumpster making me smile. So he was smart enough to stop running.

“Or what?” I ask attempting not to laugh. “You’ll kill me?” I keep moving through the wreckage of the dark alley that is filled with garbage bags and empty bottles. Stuck in between two buildings the only light here comes from a bare light bulb hanging over a basement door that looks rusted shut. Next to one pile of black garbage bags that is almost as tall as me is an old man who practically blends in with the waste around him. “How about you just tell me where I can find the knife and I’ll be on my way?” I ask, even though there is no way the old sprite is leaving here alive.

“Why would I tell you that? You will just kill me anyway!” he yells as if I’m half deaf.

“I have other ways of getting information out of you, and you know it. So save yourself the pain and tell me where it is.” I finish stepping around the dumpster where he is hiding. I thought he would be cowering in the corner half broken from his fall, but he is crouched ready to pounce. He is fast for a simple sprite and in a flash he stabs me with the knife right in between my ribs.

I feel as my skin breaks and allows the sharp metal to sink through me almost breaking out through my back. A second after the knife is in the pain hits me. It feels like a deep, dark, and low pitched pain. Some pains are high pitched like a pinch or a prick. This isn’t a high pitched pain. It is low and feels like it is going to drag me down with it.

The sprite steps back in between the dumpsters standing tall as if he is proud of himself for catching the trickster off guard.

Well, at least I found the knife.

The handle which is the only part I can currently see, is golden with markings that look just like the ones on my skin. They are spells. The knife was made to kill fire beings like me. The sprite’s thin face turns up into a smile while he stares at the golden hilt sticking out from in between my ribs.  He thinks that he won.

My body quickly goes up in flames, and the knife that was stuck in my ribs falls to the ground with a loud clang making the homeless man shift from his hiding place in his garbage castle trying to see if anyone has invaded his alley.

The look on the sprite’s face is priceless.

I push myself off of the wall I’ve been leaning against the entire time. Clapping my hands at the little show he turns around, his eyes wide.

“How?” he gets out before I stick my own knife into his heart, making him burst into a pile of leaves.

“I’m the trickster,” I say as I pick up the gold handled knife. “It’s my job. . . How all of you keep thinking that you can kill me goes beyond even my reasoning.” I finish wrapping the knife and stick it into my boot.

To most, it would look like any other knife, but those few symbols on the hilt make it one of the only things that can hurt me. It can’t kill me though. There would need to be a much more intricate spell for that knife.

I walk over the pile of leaves that is now blowing around the alley. I don’t take the time to go around the glass on the ground, and I hear the old man ask if anyone is there . . . if he only knew. When I round the corner, the street is dark and quiet. The air is humid and warm. I prefer dry and warm, but anything is better than the cold of winter.

A plastic bag is rolling across the street, like a man made version of tumble weed. A crowd of men are sitting on a staircase of one of the buildings that are built so close together I would barely be able to squeeze through. I walk past them seeing if any look up. None of them do. They can’t see me. It’s rare to find someone that has the sight, and those who do are usually too afraid of my kind to do anything about it.

Either that or they think they are crazy. Those ones are fun to play with.

Around another corner, I cross the street and enjoy the warm air on my skin. I walk a few streets before I find what I’m looking for, a fire. Standing under a highway section a few men are standing around a garbage can. What started the fire I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter. I take a few steps around the men as they stumble about, and dive headfirst into the fire.

I feel the heat on my skin as I go through. It feels like rain on a human’s skin or at least what I think rain would feel like. Refreshing and cleansing. Once the heat passes I land on my feet on the solid black marble floor.

A familiar scent of burning pine needles is in the air.

“That was quick.” I hear his voice behind me.

“What can I say. I’m good at my job.” I turn to see Kennan leaning against the palace wall. As always he is wearing all black other than the golden chain he wears around his neck. He doesn’t answer only looks me up and down with his golden eyes. “My mother would like to see you.” I nod, and he turns expecting me to follow him, which I do.

I learned a long time ago not to keep the Fire Queen waiting.

 

 

 

The Space Between

You were always the ocean. Strong and sure. Consistent as the tides. And in the dark depths of you there were wonders to be discovered, but there were horrors as well.  There were vast empty spaces of nothing. No light, no life, just space. Over the years others had ruined some of you. They left their garbage to kill off your dreams and your hopes. But still even then you were magnificent.

Then there is me. I’m the forest where the birds sing in the trees. I’m filled with life and constantly moving,  growing, and changing. I give to the world over and over again. Walk my paths and feel the ancient peace within me. See my mountains, my history, and my scars. See the places people have taken from me. Places never allowed to regrow.

And where we met was the thing of magic. The sand of my shores cooled to your touch, and there we were a thing of fairy tales. In the space between us, where we were one, was romanticized perfection. We were immaculate as the sun shone bright above and the moon played its glorious show over your waters.

Eventually though I realized you were taking from me. Little by little and wave by wave you would take a piece of me and bring it out into the depths of you. Little by little you eroded me away. You stole my being, my life, and my time.

So slowly was the realization that we were never an us. There was always you and then there was me, and even the beautiful memories we shared on the beaches between us could never mask that you wanted me to fill your empty spaces. You wanted me to make you whole. You wanted me, my beauty, my wisdom, and my strength to soothe your fears. Until you didn’t want me anymore, and you never really did. The excitement wore off. The joy of finding a being as immaculate as yourself, as powerful as yourself, and as wise wasn’t enough anymore.

Your waves receded. My trees grew tall. And the space between grows wider.

From the Inside

For days each morning starts 

with wiping away the salty river bed

across my face

Dried tears I’d never allow to escape

during the day

make their break during the night

I don’t remember them leaving

I don’t remember letting them go

But their path is there each day

Telling me more than any conversation

ever can. 

 

 

Ignorance

You’re a ghost of something I wanted but never had
reached for but could not hold
searched for but you were never there
not when you said you would be

You’re an addiction of a drug I hit one time
A need so deep it was a part of me
You weren’t mine
not to have or to hold
No part of you belonged to any part of me
but I guess thats the thing with a need
not a want

Alcohol doesn’t mix well with us
it was our courage our escape
it allowed you to walk across the room to me
it glamoured the things we should have seen
and I craved you always

Until I didn’t.

A Thank You to My Exes

It seems as if I owe you boys some thanks

Without you all and your flaws that drove me away

I may never have known what to be grateful for today

If you hadn’t answered for me assuming I didn’t know the answers and slyly dropped hints that my intellect was lesser than your own

I might have never known to love how he compliments my intelligence and my mind

If you hadn’t needed constant contact and attention because of your unrooted fear I would be as they had been

I might not appreciate his understanding that I’ll get back to him when I can

If you hadn’t suggested I be a housewife with a hobby to keep me entertained

I might not go weak whenever he shows off my career and the accomplishments I’ve obtained

If you hadn’t pushed your erection up against my back while your hands roamed and called it cuddling

I may never have realized the phenomenon that is my happiest sanctuary in the warmth of his arms

If you hadn’t tried to make me less, fearful of my confidence

I wouldn’t cherish how much he builds me up

If you all hadn’t tried your damndest to control me

I may never have realized how amazing it is to have someone who sets me free.

Someone who believes in me.

Thank you all, and I hope you find happiness.

I wonder what you learned from me.

©C O’Connor, 2018.

Dark to Light

I’m good at writing about the sad things

the bad things

It’s easy to find the words to describe the dark and lonely times and parts of my mind

But why can’t I find words for the light?

Why can’t I find words to describe how much

I long for your touch,

or the feeling when your arms tighten around me while you sleep?

How do I even begin to start

writing the peace I feel listening to your heart?

Or how it feels when you look at me, touch me, or say my name?

How do I describe how grateful I feel

knowing that you, the one I dreamed for, are real?

No matter how many times I begin

the words are never right in the end.

No words can convey how happy I am.

I’ve had a life of writing the dark things, and I never learned the words for the good.

My only option is to continue to try and find

a collection of words worthy of this man of mine.

©C O’Connor, 2018